A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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