There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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