I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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