will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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