You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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