My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
