Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Ketchup is God's man juice
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
