I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
