she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
