I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize