I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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