Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I woke up under a house in Key West
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
