He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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