you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Randomize
