I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
