On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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