my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
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