He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
