Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
