He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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