fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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