I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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