splinters make it hard to masturbate
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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