Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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