therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
