I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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