I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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