Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
