: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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