Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
