what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
