Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
