I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
