Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
