I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
