Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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