i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
