I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
