so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
