i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
