She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
is that a dick in a sweater?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
