Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
