there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Someone shit on the floor
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
