I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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