It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
My vagina is officially offended.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
