you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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