apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
