mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize