you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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