He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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