Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
