I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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