Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Randomize