She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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