My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
