Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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