Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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