What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
