u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
