i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
