Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
