forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
