I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
well you can't waste a boner
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
