i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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