Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
