he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
They took my balls.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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