i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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