Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize