Need sex. Gaining weight.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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