i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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