I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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