:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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