he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
