Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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