Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
