Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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