thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
