You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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