he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
How does one acquire holy water?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
