My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
