What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
