Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
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