If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
