I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
