I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
