Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
