and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
