All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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