What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
