The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
