I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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