we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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