this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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