I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
