I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
