I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
