did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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