literally had 100 drinks last night.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize