She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
