We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
