covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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