I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
